The Daily Life of Sweetpea[s]

So, I've been thinking. I've been thinking about life, mommyhood, american culture, san fran bay area culture, kiwis, stressors, depression and many other things.

If you met me in person you would probably think I'm a laid back person, who likes to laugh and tell corny jokes. I'm fairly adaptable and I have friends from all walks of life and I float freely between them.

But the reality is that since childhood I have been ridden with anxiety. From thunderstorms to waiting for my Dad to come home from work my stomach has been twisting most of my life. In the past 8 years I have had 2 children, lost 1 pregnancy, experienced a major tragedy (loss of my sister-in-law), had 3 major moves across the US, husband has been laid-off, had a son with learning disabilities and a lethal allergy to tree nuts, tried to keep up with two active boys, and have spent the last two years in a stressful international adoption. So it is no surprise that last year I experienced a major depression.

I am now out of that depression but I am now dealing with the after effects. I have what is called Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome. To state it simply, I lived at such a high stress level for so long that my adrenal system began to fail. Fun huh?? I entered a pre-diabetic state. **no more sugar** I developed hypothyroidism. I still have strange tingling sensations in my face related to having been at a high anxiety level for a long time.

I share all this not to garner your pity, but to say that I am not alone. I look at my American friends and so many of us are barely hanging on! I think of our culture and what is expected of us. We may not be expected to be Super Mom's with careers anymore, but the idea of perfection is still there. Here in the Bay area, mom's are expected by culture to make the perfect choices, have your kids in the right programs, buy the right products ***I still don't understand how everyone is affording bug-a-boo strollers!!***, to feed my kids edamame, to have a themed over the top birthday party for your two year old and to make sure the take home goody bag is especially good.

If I wasn't a Christian I would have gone over the edge a long time ago trying to keep up with cultures standards. So much of this has kept me from truly embracing life. When I am constantly surrounded by my apparent failure as a parent and a sober knowledge of my sin, it is hard to feel motivated. I am at a stage where I feel life's stressors acutely. But then I thought of Kiwis. The people, not the fruit.

I thought of our blogging friend, Kate. I loyally read her blog and I link to and lurk her friends blogs as well. Kate is funny, creative and full of life. But I see a pattern in those Kiwis that I don't always see in my American counterparts. Or maybe I should just say, me. They throw themselves into life. They actively pursue it with purpose and joy. Now, I know they are human and I'm sure they get stressed and have hard days with their kids. But reading Kate's blog has reminded me that there is life outside myself, outside of San Jose, outside of the US.

God is to be pursued and we are to enjoy him forever!! He is to be worshiped and out of worship comes joy.

So with joy, I fly to Boston in two days to see Wedding Girl and Sweetpea for 5 days. I want to laugh, chat, gain perspective, rest and simply enjoy my two dear friends. And maybe, just maybe we will feel some of that Kiwi perspective. : )